When someone doesn't reply

I hate it. No, actually... I absolutely despise it when someone doesn't reply.

It's always annoying and frustrating when someone you want to talk to doesn't write to you, but I also know that I'm awful at being the one initiating contact, and that it's something I have to work on...
But when I actually do, and the person I wrote to, without a warning, stops replying all of a sudden... God, it pisses me off!
If you're busy, have to go, just plainly don't want to talk to me, whatever; fucking say it! Don't leave me for hours, sometimes even days, awaiting a reply that'll never come. I don't care what your reason is; if you don't tell me this before it's too late, I'm just not going to waste my time fighting for your attention as long as it doesn't seem to be a battle I can win.

No mater how much I care for a person, there' simply a limit to, how many times I can go through that. And that limit is not very high. Eventually, I'll get bored, very plainly, and I won't be contacting the person in question again any time soon. Although, of course I will reply if they do contact me. Anything else would make me quite the hypocrite.

But the hard-to-get/whatever-thing? Doesn't work on me. Not at all. More like it has the complete opposite effect on me, really.
If someone seems annoyed, bothered, bored or just in any way uninterested in my attention, I very quickly lose interest in them. I don't need anyone in my life that doesn't appreciate me. I know it sounds cocky and self-centred and yea, it kinda is. It's not that I think I'm that great or interesting a person, not the tiniest bit.
Nonetheless, I would any time spend more time on the, probably few, people who actually desires my attention and company. These are the people I truly enjoy spending time with.

To put it simply; if someone doesn't seem to have any interest in me, I quickly lose interest in them. It's just not worth my time.
And vice versa, and probably slightly stranger; the more someone seem to like me, the more I tend to like them. I, basically, instinctively repay interest with interest, attention with attention, compassion with compassion, and so on.

At it's core, it's really pretty simple, although I'm not quite certain if it makes much sense.

Anyway, I really just needed to get that off of my chest.


// Chii ♥

2013 resoulutions

 Haven't posted in a while, thought I should, and I wanted to make this anyway. So yeah...

2012 update
Here is the update of my resolution list for the past year.

• Go at least a month without eating my own skin (Too difficult to explain)
• Reach my goal-weight (Big surprise, I want to loose weight)
• Get as many New Year's resolutions as possible done (Every year. Still haven't been able to check, since I'm apparently never satisfied)
• Become better at keeping the promises I give my self (Since 2009)
• Drink more water (Did really good at this through 2010, but last couple of months of 2011 I really failed)
• Learn to get past my creative-blocks (Since 2003)
• Get to dye my hair at least one awesome colour
• Accounting my money income and spending monthly (Already started that)
• Quit being a drama queen and attention whore and just be honest with everyone, including myself
• To be more helpful to others (Mostly my parents)
• Get a job (I've had this since I was 12, and couldn't even work, but there's still no one who wants to hire me anywhere!)
• Be happy!
• Get a SLR camera
• Get a Pullip Papin

I might not have managed to get that many done, but most of the ones I didn't are problems I have been fighting and working on for years, and will probably never be completely satisfied enough with to cross of. So over all, I'm fine with the result.

 Aaaand, now for 2013!

Continuous ones from last year

• Go at least a month without eating my own skin (Too difficult to explain)
• Reach my goal-weight (Big surprise, I want to loose weight)
• Get as many New Year's resolutions as possible done (Every year. Still haven't been able to check, since I'm apparently never satisfied)
• Become better at keeping the promises I give my self (Since 2009)
• Drink more water
• Learn to get past my creative-blocks (Since 2003) 

New ones

• Be happy this year too ♥
• Cosplay more than once
• Get more lolita-clothing
• Do some of the stuff from my summer project list. Many of them were just stuff I wanted to do in general.
• Get my driver's license
•  I finally get to change my name 
• Decide what I'm gonna do about my last name 
•  Get better at keeping my room clean and organized
•  Photograph more 

Thanksgiving

2011 was a great year for me. It really was.

 

As a person I'm not big on holidays, but I've always thought Thanksgiving is something that should be celebrated in more countries. Yes, there's the obsessive turkey-eating (at least in America), but besides that, Thanksgiving seems like the least selfish of all holidays (At least if you do it right). And I like the concept of that.

So on Thanksgiving, and again on New Year's, last year, I jokingly dared 2012 to be even better than 2011. As it turns out, 2012 went all bad ass and "challenge accepted". Of course there have been painful and difficult moments, but overall, I have never been happier than I have so far this year.

And so much have happened this year. That is something I really first came to realize yesterday morning, half asleep on the train. Especially the last few months, so much have been changing around me. And I have a distinct feeling, that there's even more to come. Which is both really scary and scary exciting.

In the end, I'm thankful for so much and so many, but to sum it up, I'm thankful to be alive and able to experience the beauties of life and share it with the people I love. Because my life would be nothing without my friends, and I could write a whole speech for each one of them, although I'm not going to. Sadly to say, I don't quite have the time for that.

But I wanted to at least say that much. Hell, 2013, I know you're still some time away, but good luck measuring up to 2012! Although, so far, it seems you already have a couple of advantages ;)

No matter what, it's definitely going to be interesting.


//Chii ♥

I'm sorry, I was drunk

I really don't drink too often. And when I do, I rarely get drunk. But I did last night. Now, I don't either ever regret getting drunk. I really think it's fun and all, and I don't overdo it, I only puked the very first time I got drunk. Usually I don't even get noxious.
But I regret some of the things I do while I'm drunk (No, it's not the same). When I wake up in the morning after being drunk, I'm never hungover. Hell, I'm hardly even tired. No, the awkward is what comes afterwards. See, it always turns out that I've texted or/and called a friend of mine and told them that I love them. Which, ya know, is really difficult to explain the next morning.

Especially, as it happened this time, the person I called is actually in love with me.
I mean, how do you tell someone, who calls you almost everyday to tell you that they love you, that "hey... I don't actually love you. Vodka just makes me a bit over sentimental. Sorry about that."?
Never in my life have I felt so stupid and guilt trippin'. And on top of that, I have to see him next week. And spend the night at his place. A part me is ready to cancel just to avoid facing him. Yet somehow I can't bring myself to do that.
Damn, I really fucked myself over this time, didn't I?... But what the hell are you supposed to do in a situation like this?
Of course it could be like the text in the picture... "for a drunken mind, speaks a sober heart"? But then where does that put me?
Fuck, why can't I just get hungover like everybody else, and avoid this shit? I mean, you didn't think I was gonna give up on drinking, did you? Why you so silly?


//Chii ♥


Ps: I also lost my keys. In the middle of fucking nowhere. And I don't have anybody's phone numbers, so I can't ask them to look for them. So yea... Definitely fucked.

Chii Chainsaw?

"I hugged a chainsaw today. People should hug chainsaws more often. They're very misunderstood creatures, ya know. They need a little love every now and then too."

Yes, I actually said this today. And yes, I did actually hug a chainsaw today. I felt bad for it, 'kay?!
I think I've been overworking myself lately. And I tend to get a bit loony when I'm overtired. Can't be healthy...
And people don't believe me when I say that I'm unstable. Geez.


// Chii ♥

People actually read this? o.o + J-popcon is gonna be epic!

People actually read this?

It just came to my attention, that there are actually people reading this shit? XD Apparently two of my friends reads my blog and actually misses my posts. I had no idea, whatsoever. It's kinda nice to know, though. Although this blog has always first and foremost been for myself, it's comforting to know that someone cares, in a way.
So, just because of that, I wanted to post something, but I didn't know what... So I'm just gonna post this tiny list I made about Jpopcon (Slightly updated), but decided not to post, since I thought it was too short.
Seriously, I have so many drafts in my posts overview, and most of them are random lists xD I like lists...
But girls, Kyo and Marti, and everybody else, for that matter, would you mind maybe commenting
every now and then, maybe? Just give your opinion or something? It would mean a lot.

Anyway, J-pop list! Here ya go!

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J-popcon is gonna be epic!

Oh yeah 8D Here are just some of the things I already know is gonna happen ^w^

• I'm gonna see so many of my friends :D like, close to everyone! Those I see often, those I see rarely, and those I hardly ever see :O ♥
• Me and Rei are gonna cosplay Usagi and Misaki 8D nope, not afterall oo' some day, though
• Apparently a friend of mine is going to bite my ear ôo I dunno, he's weird...
• So many hugs 8D and kisses ^3^ ♥♥♥
• POCKYYY!!! >o<
• Fangirling! :D always :3
• I'm finally gonna buy a yaoi bat ^w^ and some other random stuff :3
• I've also sworn to beat up several of people with said yaoi bat xD
• And I hope to get to play Werewolf again :O

I really can not wait >o< March, come sooner!!

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 Random site note :O

I actually might have another post or two to write... It's just that some of it I don't feel too comfortable posting. I mean, you never know who might find it? Been thinking a lot about that lately.
*sigh* Oh, what to do...

Random post + thank you Sachii

This is going to be quite random and useless, but I wanted to share this adorable drawing my friend Sachii drew of me and him n////n In like 15 minutes! o_o And of course the boy just can't realize that he's talented!

 

 I feel so incredibly flattered that he wanted to draw me! He even said that I inspired him!
And I have officially named him my new God XD

Love you Sachii-chan ♥ Thank you so much for this!

/// Chii ♥