New Year's restart

Tonight is New Year's Eve. Again this year I'm gonna do pretty much nothing than share a bag of chili-Cheetos with my cousin. Random fact: My cousin is about 3 years younger than me, and his name is Tycho. No kidding.

But except for that, I'm gonna do one of the most important things I've done this year, the same thing I did for the first time last year. Restart. I'm gonna let go of everything. All the things I should've done, but never did and all the things I did, but shouldn't have done. All the things other people did or didn't do. All the things that was or wasn't said. The lies that was told, the fights that took place, and the promises that wasn't kept.
And I'm planning on doing this every year from now on, since so far 2011 have been my, at least over-all, happiest year. And, in this case a bit more important, most mentally stable year. True, I don't know if that is the reason why, but I'd like to think so, since it gives me a slight feeling of control, which I've lacked for way too many years.

On a slight different note, my New Year's resolutions:

• Go at least a month without eating my own skin (Too difficult to explain)
• Reach my goal-weight (Big surprise, I want to loose weight)
• Get as many New Year's resolutions as possible done (Every year. Still haven't been able to check, since I'm apparently never satisfied)
• Become better at keeping the promises I give my self (Since 2009)
• Drink more water (Did really good at this through 2010, but last couple of months of 2011 I really failed)
• Learn to get past my creative-blocks (Since 2003)
• Get to dye my hair at least one awesome colour (Since my "getting my parents to pay for it to get bleached, letting them think I want to be blonde again"-plan failed, this probably won't happen this year either)
• Accounting my money income and spending monthly (Already started that)
• Quit being a drama queen and attention whore and just be honest with everyone, including myself
• To be more helpful to others (Mostly my parents)
• Get a job (I've had this since I was 12, and couldn't even work, but there's still no one who wants to hire me anywhere!)
• Be happy!
• Get a SLR camera
• Get a Pullip Papin (My all-time favorite pullip, I want her SO bad! I was supposed to buy one off eBay after Christmas/New Years, but I didn't get that SLR camera for Christmas, and I really need that first)

Happy New Years to all ♥

Shadows and fake friends

"fake friends are like shadows, always near you at your brightest moments but nowhere to be seen at your darkest hours."

I'm at a very dark hour, and no one's there. So please excuse me, but I think that gives me the right to be pissy and depressing.
So instead of bitching about it, try being there for me.

I want to die

It's as simple as that. I just can't stand all this hate anymore. I've been in bed for about an hour now, crying my eyes out, screaming my lungs out, hitting my head and my fists into the wall, cutting myself with whatever I can find, choked myself with my own hands and held my breath till I was gasping for air, but what hurts the most is that no one cares. Which is why I do it, which is why I'll keep doing it. It's a vicious and painful circle, but it is something I must force myself to do, until I'm ready to finally let this world be rid of me.
I only want you to remember this; words hurt.