How I wish I could change

The summer in Denmark just doesn't seem to realize that we're closing in on mid-July, meaning instead of being blazing hot and sunny, it rains all the time. It's still warm though. When it's really bad it feels like being in a sauna while someone is dumping a bucket of lukewarm water on you.

But such weathers are perfect for curling up with a cup of tea and a book, movie or laptop. Since I'm starting Gymnasium in August, my dad finally let me get a laptop, which arrived Tuesday, so it would seem perfect, yes? Well, the answer is no. Why? Because I don't like tea.

I know it's a really silly thing to get upset about and obsess over, but I really want to like tea. It's warm, it's cosy and I love tea cups, tea pots, and the whole tea party-vibe. And I love just sitting with a big warm cup of tea. But the taste of tea disgusts me! And it makes me so sad. I try to be thankful for everything I have and am, but some things about me I just really would want to change. And the tea-thing is one of them.

The second is that I wish I felt like I could trust my self enough to be able to say that I'll love someone forever. A few weeks ago, me and my best friend had a big fight about this. She got really mad, because I said I was a afraid that I maybe one day wouldn't want to be her friend any more, because I've been through so much change during the last couple of years, including changes that made me lose a very dear friend of mine, who I back then truly thought I would love and be with forever.
The thing is not, that I don't trust the me now, but the me in the future. And because I don't want to tie-up this person, who I really don't know.

Thirdly, I'd also really wish that I was able to be more determined and able to stick with and accomplish my goals. I try over and over again, I set challenges to my self, in different levels of difficulties, but I fail almost every time. I need more backbone.

Fourth, I wish I didn't get so shy when I meet people the first time, because I always freak out, blush, and studder, if I'm even able to get a word out. I really think everyone I know's first impression of me was that shy, awkward, quiet, boring girl, which is so not me. But most people get so off put by that girl that I come off as too much to really get to know the real me, which is really sad. Basically I just wish I was able to be more open, and not completely shut off when I meet someone new.

Anyway, I think that's all for now..
See ya.

// Chii ♥